Today jokes
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An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned. "I thought I told you to go to the end of the line," barked the NCO. "Why did you come back?" "Because there's already somebody there!"
Henderson bought a new car and, after he left the showroom, decided to catch a movie. When he came out, Henderson noticed he'd locked the car and left the keys in the ignition. He telephoned the dealer. "Which is the cheapest window to break?" he asked. "You don't have to break any of the windows," explained the dealer. "I'll come right down with another key and we can open it together." "No, no!" shouted the new car owner. "I gotta know now! It's about to rain and I wanna put the top up!"
Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in 30 minutes," so he sat down to wait for himself?
Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter because he couldn't stand the draft?
The Albanian planted lightbulbs in his garden. He heard that tulips grew from bulbs.
Why are Canadians given only a half hour for lunch? They don't want to have to retrain them.
Did you hear about the guy from Newfoundland who was twenty-two years old before he knew which part of the olive to throw away?
And then there was the Newfie who was found dead in his jail cell with twelve bumps on his head. He'd tried to hang himself with a rubber band.
Did you hear about the Finn who spent a fortune building a storm cellar in case there was an earthquake.
Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage.