Today jokes
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FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My sister's tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she's posted it.
FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.
Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.
FIRST MONSTER: I'm going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes, I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends.
What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea? Lots of very worried dogs.
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.
What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? 'I feel abominable.'
Why did the monster go into hospital? To have his ghoul-stones removed.
Monster: Where do fleas go in winter? Werewolf: Search me!
What is a monster's favourite drink? Demonade.