Today jokes
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?
Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!
Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.
Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.
Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle? Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.
You can read his mind in his face. Yes, it's usually a complete blank.
First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face. Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist.
How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face? I forgot to wet the soap.
Boy monster: You've got a face like a million dollars ! Girl monster: Have I really ? Boy monster: Yes - it's green and wrinkly !