Today jokes
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Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery? 3 dollars a year for a million years.
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. "What part?" the mother asked. "I play a Jewish husband," the boy replied. "Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!"
Q: How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home? A: They put parking meters on the roof!
Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick's looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, "well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I've just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp." Patrick says, "that's terrible, did he go to the gas chamber?" and Mick replies, "no, he fell out of the machine gun tower."
A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."
Q: What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican? A: Oil of Ole'
Q: Why can't Chinese Barbecue? A: Because the rice falls through the grill
Have you heard about the latest Polish parachute? It opens on impact.
What's the national anthem of Puerto Rico? "Attention K-Mart shoppers..."
Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottomed boats? So they can see the old Polish Navy!