Today jokes
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On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. "I hope this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound. "Why?" replies the cabin steward. "Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."
Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands.
What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels? A monster on roller-skates.
What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.
How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away.
What do you do with a green monster? Put it in the sun until it ripens!
What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks, I needed that.
What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film.
First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!