Today jokes
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Police Chief: Why did you ticket the computer? Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.
Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal? Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.
Police Chief: Why do you spend all your time trying to hit flies? Officer: You assigned me to the swat team, didn't you?
Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. She opened it and found a breathless cop. "What's the matter?!" she asked. "Where's the body?!" demanded the officer. "What are you talking about?" "We just got a tip that some guy named Mozart was being murdered in this house."
Why do Iraqi police officers walk in threes? The first knows how to read, the second knows how to write and the third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer. Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?". Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air". Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test". Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death". Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line". Man: "Can't do that either". Officer: "Why not?". Man: "Because I'm dead drunk".
Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street) Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital? Officer: Just stand where you are!!!
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!