Today jokes
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A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.' 'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.' 'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered. 'Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. "Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches." "I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said "Neigh"
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?