Today jokes
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I'm not going back to school ever again Why ever not? The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"
What happens if you draw on the blackboard and the teacher told you not to? She draws a smack!
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!
Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!"
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!
Why do teachers use a bamboo cane? Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo!
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."