Today jokes
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Beatrice Lillie (Lady Peel) was once accosted by a haughty old dowager who scrutinized her through her lorgnettes. "What lovely pearls, dear Beatrice," she maliciously remarked. "Are they real?" Yes, nodded Lady Peel. "Of course," the dowager declared, "you can always tell real pearls by biting them. May I try?" "Gladly," Lady Peel replied. "But remember, Duchess, you can't tell real pearls with false teeth."
Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it
Why are vampires like false teeth? They all come out at night.
Why is a toothless dog like a tree? It has more bark than bite.
How can you get a set of teeth put in for free? Smack a monster.
Why didn't the monster use toothpaste? Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
Willie: "I have an awful toothache." Tommie: "I'd have it taken out if it was mine." Willie: "Yes, if it was yours, I would, too."
Why did the alien phone home on his mobile? Because it was so ET !
Who was that on the phone, Fred? Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !
Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off? Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!