Today jokes
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What is a twip? A twip is what a wabbit takes when he wides a twain.
A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies ?" "Well, I liked the book!"
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day
What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !
What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".
Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !