Today jokes
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Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep. Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking Do you drink a lot? Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm How boring for you!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel That's shocking!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python You can't get round me just like that you know!
The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. " "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell!