Today jokes
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What did the witch say to the ugly toad? I'd put a curse on you - but somebody beat me to it!
Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand.
Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet vulture on sawdust? The vulture laid ten eggs and when they hatched, nine chicks had wooden legs and the tenth was a woodpecker.
Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents and witches? It's called The Hex-Files.
Q: What kind of witch goes to the beach? A: Sandwitch
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months! - I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%. - It's called wedding cake.
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" - I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. - Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? - They want to.