Today jokes
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Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"
Q: What do college students and deer have in common? A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.
A college friend was going to meet a young lady he new. "An old flame? I asked. He winked and said, "More like an unlit match."
"Now my motto in life," said the school chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?" "My motto is let bygones be bygones." "That's good. Why did you choose that?" "Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!"
College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them and sometimes with good reason. "What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student indignantly. "What's it taste like?" asked the cook." "Glue!" "Then it's apple pie the plum pie tastes like soap."
A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says: That's great honey! What kind of degree? And the son, almost squealing with excitement says: The best one ever, a Celsius degree!
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies? Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!
Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture? No! Did he hurt the cows? No, he just grazed them!