Today jokes
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What did you get for your birthday? Another year!
When is your birthday? 17th January. What year? Every year!
Sam's girlfriend's birthday was the same day as his father's. He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume and his father a pistol. He wrapped the perfume and wrote a note to his girlfriend, saying, 'Use this all over yourself and think of me.' Unfortunately he put the note on his father's present.
Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.
How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday? Ten. Oh, I don't think that's possible. Oh, yes it is - I'm nine today.
Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.
I forgot my brother's birthday last month. What did he say? Rick: Nothing, yet.
Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, What's the address? 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow. Why with my elbow? Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!
I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20. 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free!
Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!