Today jokes
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Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!" To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds.
Q. How are men like television commercials? A. You can't believe a word either one of them says, and they both last about 30 seconds.
Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? A: It's too little to be out alone.
Q: Why do men float better than women? A: Because they are scum.
Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome, the caring, and the majority.
Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.
Men are like computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
Men are like coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.