Today jokes
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Men are like department stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom
Question: How many men does it take to mop the floor? Answer: None, it's a women's job.
Question: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? A: Women working at 900 numbers.
Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly sang, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."