Today jokes
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It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit. He explained "I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years." "How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime?" we asked. "It's simple" he said. "When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk."
What is your favourite type of birthday present? Another present!
What did the birthday balloon say to the pin? "Hi, Buster."
How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He has a whale of a party!
Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer? Because you said it was pound cake!
What did one candle say to the other? "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap? It was a birthday present from his wife!
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!
"I guess I didn't get my birthday wish." "How do you know?" "You're still here!"