Today jokes
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Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald.
Why do bald-headed men never use keys? Because they've lost their locks.
Why do barbers make good drivers? Because they know all the short cuts.
A man sitting in a barber's chair noticed that the barber's hands were very dirty. When he commented on this, the barber explained, "Yes, sir, no one's been in for a shampoo yet."
A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair. "Haircut, sir?" asked the barber. "No, just change the oil, please!"
How much for a haircut? Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave? Barber: Ten dollars. Right - shave my head.
What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday? Cruising on a clipper.
Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg? Because he always uses a razor.
Barber: Your hair is getting grey, Sir. Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up, will you?
Barber: And how old are you, little man? Fred: Eight. Barber: And do you want a haircut? Fred: Well, I certainly didn't come in for a shave!