Today jokes
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Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside.
Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.
What is a tornado ? Mother nature doing the twist !
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replied, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage today."
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Fred looking out of the kitchen window. "I know," said his mother. "I've just stepped in a poodle!"
Fred: I'm sure I'm right. Betty: You're as right as rain - all wet!
There was a communist named Rudolph. One day he looked out the window and said, "It looks like a storm is coming." "No it isn't," said his wife. "Besides, how would you know?" "Because," he responded, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain. One looks skywards and says, "So this is England. What's it like?" The other snarls, "Well, if you like the weather, you'll love the food."
A postcard home: The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.