Today jokes
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Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile? A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.
Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers.
Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek? A: Because no one will look for them.
Q: Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering? A: Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.
Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?" Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint, "Write your repertoire."
Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?" Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!" Abe says, "So what's the bad news?" Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"
"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone.
Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds.