Today jokes
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Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years? A: Somebody dropped a shekel.
Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian? He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas? They all gather around their cash registers and sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."
What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill you." A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself."
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says, "Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"
Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake? A: It did $100 million worth of improvements.
A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder...the bartender looks up and says " where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies " Over in Africa, there's millions of them " !!!!
Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery? 3 dollars a year for a million years.
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. "What part?" the mother asked. "I play a Jewish husband," the boy replied. "Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!"
Q: How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home? A: They put parking meters on the roof!