Today jokes
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Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist? An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.
An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.
Q: What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union? A: Every man for himself.
Q: What's delaying the Polish space program? A: Development of a working match.
Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill? A: They stop delivering.
Q: What happened to the Polish National Library? A: Someone stole the book.
Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He's the one with a duck.
Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.