Today jokes
-
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!"
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
What dog can tell the time ? A watch dog !
What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street? Five after one.
What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver? Time to get a new watchdog.
When is the best time to go shopping? When the stores are open.
What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.
What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels.
What do vampire footballers have at half-time? Blood oranges.
Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.