Today jokes
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How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.
Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? Because time will tell.
Why couldn't the clock be kept in jail? Because time was always running out.
Why do people beat their clocks? To kill time.
If your watch is broken, why can't you go fishing? Because you don't have the time.
When do clocks die? When their time is up.
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.
What is a vampire's favorite sport? Batminton.
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.