Today jokes
-
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal. "There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?" To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.
Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!