Today jokes
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Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking.
Waiter: I'm sorry I spilled a glass of water on you. Diner: That's all right. My suit is too large anyway.
Waiter: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon. Customer: What bait are you using?
Waiter: Why are you taking so long to order? Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.
Waiter: Why didn't you make all the food on that long order? Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.
Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiters eye
"Waiter ! Have you got frogs' legs ? " "No, sir, I always walk this way"
Waiter, Waiter there's a fly in my ice-cream ! Gee I did not know that they had started winter sports so early in the year !
Waiter, is there soup on the menu ? No, madam I wiped it off !
Waiter, there's a fly in my custard ! I'll fetch him a spoon sir !