Today jokes
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Who do zombie cowboys fight? Deadskins.
Swint and Fess, two Oklahoma cowboys, were resting their horses out on the range. "What'd Emmaline give yew for yore birthday?" asked Swint. "Pair of cufflinks," said Fess. "But I ain't got no use for them. I can't even find anyplace to get my wrists pierced."
Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, they'd cut the rope and he'd drop into the river and drift out of sight They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy he slipped out, fell in the river and swam to freedom. They tied the noose around the second cowboy's head. He, too, oozed out of the rope, dropped into the river and got away. As they dragged the third Texan to the scaffold, he resisted, "Please! Would yaw'l tighten that noose a little bit? I can't swim!"
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? A: He has got no beef.
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."
Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger. The cowboy from Australia says, "I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and may it cry like a baby." The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, "I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands." The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his leg.
The eastern lady who was all ready to take a horseback ride said to the cowboy, "Can you get me a nice gentle pony?" "Shore," said the cowboy. "What kind of a saddle do you want, English or western?" "What's the difference?" asked the lady. "The western saddle has a horn on it," said the cowboy. "If the traffic is so thick here in the mountains that I need a horn on my saddle, I don't believe I want to ride."
Why did the cowboy ride his horse? Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses? Bronchitis (bronc-itis).
Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs? He was always horsing around.