Today jokes
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WIFE: "You look tired, honey. How about a nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?" HUSBAND: "No thanks. I'm too tired. Let's just eat at home."
Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas.
Several women were discussing what they should have for dinner. "If you're watching your weight," came one suggestion, "those diet frozen dinners are good." The man then added: "But get two. They're small."
Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice? Why? Do I look like one?
Would you like a duck egg for supper? Only if you quack it for me.
What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.
What's a fresh vegetable? One that insults a farmer.
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods? One was "a-salted."
Q: What did one strawberry say to the other? A:"Look at the jam you've gotten us into!"
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.