Today jokes
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Why was the robber so secure? He was a safe robber.
Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good, it only has sentimental value. Mugger: That's all right. I'm sentimental.
Criminal: Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery, boss? Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a double-cross.
Detective: Do you think I should put on the cuffs? Criminal: Why? You look good in short sleeves.
Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting? Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home."
Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.
Policeman: Did you know your vehicle was reported stolen? Criminal: It wasn't when I took it.
A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or trapdoors in the floor, yet in the morning the jailers find him gone. How did he get out ? Through the doorway - there were no doors remember !
'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike,' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day. 'Why ?' 'I've put a file in your cake.'
What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I'm at your service, ma'am.