Today jokes
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A monastery in the English countryside was having a hard time with its cash flow because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work. Then one day two of the monks, who had been discussing the problem, suggested they open a fish and chips stand down on the highway, right next to a scenic vista area popular with tourists. The other monks agreed, and the two put up the stand. One day a tourist who wanted to offer a compliment asked the monk on duty, "Are you the fish friar?" "No, sir," retorted the brother, "I'm the chip monk."
Harry was telling his friend about his holiday in Switzerland. His friend had never been to Switzerland and asked, 'what did you think of the scenery ?' 'Oh, I couldn't see much,' Harry admitted. 'There were all these mountains in the way.'
The garbage men were just about to leave the street when a girl came running out of the house carrying some cardboard boxes. 'Am I too late for the garbage ?' she called. 'No,' replied one of the men, 'jump right in !'
What's a cow's favourite love song? When I fall in love , it will be for heifer.
Freda: Boys whisper they love me. Fred: Well, they wouldn't admit it out loud, would they?
What do you call an amorous insect? The love bug.
What did one amorous flea say to the other? I love you aw-flea.
How did the octopus lovers walk down the road? Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.
What do lovesick owls say when it's raining? Too-wet-to-woo.
My brother's looking for a girlfriend. Trouble is, he can't find a girl who loves him as much as he loves himself.