Today jokes
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Why did God create women? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow.
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Phone her.
What is the definition of 'making love'? Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.
Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job.