Today jokes
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Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Harry: What did the sign say? Fred: Stop.
Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change it to what?
Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn't believe me. Professor: No? Then I suppose I'll have to go and tell him myself.
"Say, your house is burning." "That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one."
Loomis: Does your dog have a license? Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.
Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?
Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!
Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?
"Can you read Chinese?" "Yes, but only when it's printed in English."
Hatton: I ain't as dumb as I look! Folsom: You couldn't be!