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Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

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Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death.

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I married beneath me - all women do.

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The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

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When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

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This poem will never reach its destination.

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