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What happens when the future has come and gone?

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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

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Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else.

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Without the aid of prejudice and custom I should not be able to find my way across the room.

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An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

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America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

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Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind.

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We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us.

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Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.

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