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Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.

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A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, "You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing."

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Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.

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Be on the alert to recognize your prime at whatever time of your life it may occur.

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Language exists only on the surface of our consciousness. The great human struggles are played out in silence and in the ability to express oneself.

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There is a certain age at which a child looks at you in all earnestness and delivers a long, pleased speech in all the true inflections of spoken English, but with not one recognizable syllable. There is no way you can tell the child that if language had been a melody, he had mastered it and done well, but that since it was in fact a sense, he had botched it utterly.

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...exaggerated turns of speech conceal mediocre affections: as if the fulness of the soul might not sometimes overflow in the emptiest of metaphors, since no one, ever, can give the exact measurements of his needs, nor of his conceptions, nor of his sufferings, and the human word is like a cracked cauldron upon which we beat out melodies fit for making bears dance when we are trying to move the stars to pity.

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Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts...

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For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and big words Bother me.

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"Where did you put it?"
"Put what?"
"You know?"
"Where do you think?"
"Oh."

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