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It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously.

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The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.

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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

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Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.

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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people--that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature.

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We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.

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The unexamined life is not worth living.

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It is by will alone that I set my mind in motion.

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I hold a creed, which no one ever taught me, and which I seldon mention, but in which I delight, and to which I cling, for it extends hope to all; it makes eternity a rest - a mighty home - not a terror and an abyss. With this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime, I can so sincerly forgive the first while I abhor the last; with this creed, revenge never worries my heart, degredation never too deeply disgusts me, injustice bever crushes me too low; I live in calm, looking to the end.

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