---

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

---

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

---

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

---

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.

---

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.

---

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

---

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

---

The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.

---

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

---

People find life entirely too time-consuming.

---